Lazy Monday

Today has been such a lazy day for me. I did not have to go into work last night.( I used a disc. day at work to finish off my first week of vacation) I have spent the WHOLE day sitting here in bed by myself. Allen left last night for Chicago, so Missy has been following me around like no other. Truth be known she is really a mamma's girl. I really don't know what I would do without her here to keep me company. No, she can't talk back to me, but I can tell she does understand me to some degree.

On a different note, Allen's mom, Rose and her husband, narrowly escaped hurricane IKE in Galeveston this last week. No damage was done to their house. They live three blocks north of seawall. It is soo sad to see everything destroyed from the pictures she has sent us. All of the nice shops are gone. I am just glad that we did get to see it all a few years ago. As I stated earlier, we stayed home this vacation. We had orig. decided to go and visit Allen's mom and her husband last week on our vacation, but with the storms, and gas prices (diesel), it was just too much with everything that was going on at home. It was really a blessing that we decided a few weeks before, not to go. If we would have went, we would have had to leave two times. I am just glad we did not have to go through that as well.

Anyway, last night I traveled across the lawn, to the neighbors. I am soo happy we actually have some really nice people as neighbors this time. At our old house, we did not like any of the neighbors, they were a lot older than us, and did not know us at all, so they made up things about us that were completely ubsurd. That being said, I don't think anyone truely understands just how much I love our house. Especially, with everything we have had to give up, just to be here, it is worth it, and the neighbors are just the icing on the cake. Back to last night.. they must have known how lonely I get, and invited me over to watch a movie with them. We watched "Baby Mama". It was cute, except for the end... I really could have done without. Infertile people will agree with me on that I am sure. But, over all the movie was good, I could relate to some parts of the movie with the main character.

One thing that I have not talked about on here much is what all we have been doing with the infertility issue, and who all I have been talking to this about. To this day, only my family and friends know about our problem. Allen's family probably has some clue, but they do not even know what all is going on. Reason being... back six years ago now, I was 19 years old and in love..( Allen and I had dated for over four years). We were ready to get married within the next few years, so we went ring shopping. Allen then asked my Mom for my hand, and showed her the ring, and then we went out to Allen's grandparents house ( he was raised by them), to show them the ring without "me knowing anything about it". Needless to say, they were not impressed. Allen proposed to me that very night. The next morning, was Sunday, so we decided to "be nice" and go to church with the grandparents, and break the news to them. The moment after we told them, it was complete hell. Allen's grandpa even tried to "talk us out of making a mistake"..talk about a slap in the face. You have to know me to understand how sappy of a person I am.. my favorite movie of all time... Father of the Bride I & II. Needless to say things totally did not go the way I thought they should have been. Engagements are happy events, not trips to hell and back. Now, with all of that being said, we are now 25 years old, married 5 years this November, and I am still scared to death, that we tell them what is going on, it will make matters worse. I am a slightly optomistic person, not pessimistic, like his family is. So, that is where we stand with Allen's family. My family on the other hand, my Dad has no clue either.I really think that he wouldn't care. My mom, and sister, along with a few other family members on my mom's side know. My mom really doesn't say much, not that she doesn't care, I just don't think that she really knows what to say.

I am willing to tell people what is going on if they LISTEN! I really think some people are allergic to listening. I can tell one of my friends everything from a to z, I won't see them for a month or so, and then they ask me the same questions on what is wrong. Write it down! I hate explaining everything to the same person more than once. If you are not going to really listen to me, then tell me so I can save myself a 15 min. lecture to you and a lot of air. Then, I have one of my mom's seven sisters, telling me to just call my cousin and ask what they did, like it has been broadcasted to the world that they had trouble too. That is none of my business. IF my cousin was to find out about me, and then confront me, I feel that would be different. You just don't go up to someone and ask about their health and sexual history. NO.

The reason that I am not trying to hide all of this is the fact that we go to my family's holiday get togethers, and my family will ask when we are going to "get one of these", holding a baby up. It makes me just want to cry right there. I don't want them to think we DON't want children, it is just that we are going to have to have help. It is really embarrassing to me, being catholic and all - though not hard core catholic. Catholic people are supposed to be fertile people.

On the bright side, I do have one aunt that was never able to have children either. I know that sometime I would like to go visit her, and see if she wouldn't mind talking to me about it, since who knows if I ever will have children of my own either.

I am trying to do more research on insurance. I hate insurance. On infertility, my work insurance covers diagnostic, and 1 IVF transfer. BUT, it is not clear on anything else they cover. We have went and got tested, but it is still clear as mud. We know Allen has a lower count, about half of a "normal fertile freak" has. We really do think it is caused from a hernia surgery from when he was 5 years old, and an undecended testicle. Me, well, we don't fully know yet. We know I do not ovulate all of the time. I am a very high strung person, so, that should help that out 100%. We know I have a small cyst on my left ovary. But, on as far as my tubes, we do not know if they are blocked yet or not. I really do have the feeling they are. (That was my aunt's problem) IF that's the case, everything is going to get really expensive fast. The cost of the tubal check, is $1800, all to be paid up front. We can have all but $800 billed throught the hospital.But, right after that is all done, if everything "checks out" we move on to an IUI, really within a matter of a few days later, with that costing $1500 per round, all paid up front, with no billing option. When all totaled up that is $3700. That is a lot of money to just throw into the air and hope for a miracle. That is why we have been waiting. It will probably be Jan. when we start to move forward with all of that treatment. We are trying a generic form of clomid right now, just to try to see if maybe that will work. I highly doubt it, but, who knows. I know all of the money really is worth paying if we end up with a baby. But, it is just hard to swallow. If anyone has any input, don't be afraid and share. I am up for any positive notes.

Ohh, can't forget about this! New One Tree Hill is on tonight at 8 on WB. If you have never seen this show, give it a try, I got hooked after the first one I watched.

Everyone have a Good Monday!